During the last few months, I've had many Diary of a Freshman drafts on my Blogger account. I kept telling myself, "Well, don't post them just yet! You need to wait, spread them out!" It's the last week of May now, and I've been hit with a sudden realization: Freshman year is nearly over. There are no more posts to write, no new freshman experiences to be had. This year is over. Along with the joy that comes with a new summer, there is an emotion I certainly did not expect. I'm already feeling a strange sense of nostalgia coming over me, for something that isn't really gone yet, so I have one question for myself.
Why the hell am I going to miss freshman year?
The answer comes to me before I've even finished the thought. It's because freshman year is apart of me. Yes, I know, all experiences become apart of you, but this year especially. It wasn't as fun or as miserable as I had expected, it was something else entirely. It was like I started a new life. I made friends with people I never thought I'd be close to, I pursued interests I never would have before, I became myself. I've grown in so many ways and I've achieved what I'd previously considered impossible. I can't exactly put into words what this year has meant to me. It marks for me an entirely new era of my life.
Every person, at some point in their lives, is four people: the person you are trying to be, the person you are acting like, the person you wish you were, and the person you are. This year I forgot about the other three, and I learned to be the person I am, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.
I had no accurate idea of what this year would be, I had no accurate idea of who I was, no accurate idea of anything. Perhaps I still don't. All I do know is being a Freshman is about change.
If I were a different person, a reader of this blog, a third party watching my life, I would not look at this past year and say, "Wow, what an amazing time!" because it wasn't all dandy. Objectively, it wasn't very good at all. My pre-Freshman self would have thought this to be a rather bad year. Now? I would hardly change a moment. The point is, know that your mind WILL change, and if it doesn't, you're not doing it right! Freshman year is about creating yourself and finding the missing pieces, and most of all, about growing up, so if you are doing it right, you're probably not like you were a year ago, and you might not be sure of much anymore, but that's alright, because the chaos, and confusion, and heartbreak, and sadness, and fun, and pain, and joy are all part of freshmen year. This has been a year of turbulence--exciting, nerve-wracking turbulence. And just as in turbulence your life flashes before you and you come out of your plane thinking, "Now I know what's important!" freshman year is equally, if not more so, changing.This year of turbulence isn't a guarantee that the next three years will be trouble-free, and it's not a guarantee that any year in the rest of our life will be simple! But I like it this way. Let's hope to God that every year is as challenging as this one has been. After all, an easy life? Where's the fun in that?
Your Content Blogger,