September 24, 2010

Diary of A Freshman: Unexplained Phenomena

Guess what! You know how you might have imagined your freshman year as fun, with some soul-searching, and full of great times with your friends?

Let go of those dreams.

You know why? Because there is work. And most teachers don't teach, so instead of soul-searching, you'll be searching for a tutor. Because you might come back from vacation, hang out with your friends and have a great time, but when you two get to school then you may find that you will be ditched for a group of people she's met through cross country.

Now, NEVER get mad that your friend has other friends. However, you have the right to get pissed off if ever time you try to talk to her she SPRINTS down the stairs ahead of you, not even acknowledging that you spoke.

Why this happens? Hard to say. Her new friends are nice, so it's not their fault.

It's something wrong with your friend. She's probably 'moved on' or she thinks that she is somehow above you now. Either way, after six weeks of trying to get her to talk to you, I'd say it's about time to take the hint, give up, and sit somewhere else at lunch, because this piece of unexplained phenomena will only drive you mad, and she might even start to miss you once you've given up the chase. Show her that you really don't need her at all, and maybe her head will deflate.

Basically, she'll stop running once there's no one chasing her. Then wait a month, and if she hasn't started talking to you, then maybe try to start conversation with her, if you still want to be friends, that is.

But note the 'maybes' in this post.

Your Blogger,

P.S. Writing really does help! At the beginning I wasn't sure what to do, but as I wrote I found a solution! Man, this is awesome!

September 17, 2010

Why In the World Do They Speak Like That?

A couple days ago, my friends and I were in the courtyard, sitting along a wall. A few inches from me, also on the wall, were a bunch of football players. (And do go thinking, "Ooh!" because they are wildly unintelligent, not even attractive, and as you will soon learn, gross.)

As I am permanently out of the loop, I was quiet, eating my salad, when I heard them speak. Well, my first thought was, Is that them trying to talk? Of course, I didn't recognize the gurgling noises they were making, then I realized--they're just speaking with pounds of food in their mouth!

I kept listening and found that they were physically incapable of speaking unless their mouths were full of food. Every single time they spoke. Every single time, another boy would ask, "Whab yf skhlay?" and every time, they would speak grossly. (That's a word, right?)

But more important than the observation is the REASON! Do you think Newton published his findings in one sentence that read, "Things fall down"? No. I don't think so. And seeing as I have to start my insanely difficult science fair project next month, I guess I should start practicing.

Ok, my hypothesis: Because they want to talk, but they want food more, so they decide not to waste any time by multi-tasking; speaking WHILE eating!

Conclusion: I am right. What other reason could there possibly be for them to do such a thing?

Your Scientific Blogger,

September 08, 2010

19 Ways To Procrastinate

In high school, it's important to get right to work, and not to procrastinate. I plan on learning how to do that, but I'm too busy right now.

So we shouldn't procrastinate, but for those of us who can't resist, well, we might as well do it in style.

What IS procrastination style, you ask?

Well, this is something that can only be explained in LIST FORM!

19 Ways To Procrastinate

1. Read this blog
2. Draw this beautiful picture!

3. Go to, then click SparkLife and read anything. See, SparkNotes is a fairly academic site, but by doing something very un-academic on this site, it is procrastinating in style.
4. Spend an hour looking up and watching Harry Potter 7: Part 1 sneak peeks. (Ooh, you should watch LITERAL Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Trailer Parody HD. It is great.)
5. Perfect your eyeliner applying skills.
6. Test the durability of your phone.
7. BOOMSHINE! (Just search Boomshine, click the first one, and PLAY!)
8. See if you can get your backpack to fit in your other backpack. If you don't have two backpacks, see if you can fit your sibling there.
9. Listen to The Wombats, then sing the words back to yourself in the mirror. Now, their lyrics tell stories, so be prepared to act it out.
10. Have a stare-off with that bird on your windowsill.
11. Try to discover the most inefficient way to reach and be able to touch the ceiling of your room with your entire hand.
12. Attempt to force yourself to have a certain dream.
13. See how many shirts and jeans you can take from your sister's closet before she realizes something is missing. This benefits you AND helps you procrastinate! Also, this one can take place over several WEEKS!
14. Measure the walls of your room using a roll of toilet paper.
15. Make those stuffed animals in your closet perform "A Psychopathic Stuffed Animal In A Closet and The Rather Unfortunate Mr. Fluff." It's a play.
16. Practice your miming skills.
17. Tape thick papers together so that you can then tape them onto every surface in your room. That way, you can write all over your room and make it 'your own.' What's more your own than you writing and drawing on EVERYTHING?
18. See if you can style your hair using only your hair.
19. Write a list on ways to procrastinate. :)

How do you know that these are ways of not working in style? Imagine your conversation with your teacher the next day using that form of procrastination.

TEACHER: Nadia, why didn't you do your homework.
NADIA: Well, I was miming.
TEACHER: Miming.
NADIA: Yes. I was practicing my skills as a mime. It's very important.
TEACHER: The homework was only two questions. It was the first assignment. You're now failing this class.
NADIA: Well! I see that you think teaching math is far more important than being a mime! How arrogant.
TEACHER: Leave my class.

Et voila! Mimes = Cool Procrastination.

Your Procrastinating Blogger,