January 19, 2011

Diary of A Freshman: My Teacher Is A Psychic

Does anyone have a psychic teacher? Well, I do. I have his study hall "class," but he's really the AP Environmental Science teacher (which means I get to play with turtles!). The reason I think this is because he is somehow always able to predict snow days. He hasn't been wrong yet. We all secretly believe he's the one who decides these things. He says that tomorrow, we'll get early dismissal (no gym!) and a snow day on Friday.

So I won't bother with Friday's homework.

It's rather strange that he hasn't been wrong. I had an argument today with an MST student about the theoretical probability versus the experimental probability that he's correct. We settled at a 95% chance, because we're nerds like that.

How does he know these things, though? I think it was the snow gnomes, or perhaps the snow day fairies. When does he communicate with them, however? Well, he does spend an awful lot of time going through this big metal cabinet where he is blocked from view by a mix of filing cabinets and ficus, which, by the way, brings a whole new meaning to the term "concrete jungle." If you look at the big desks and the snakes' terrariums, then it's a high school jungle! (Think: Mean Girls) Ah, how I love the Environmental Science room.

But I digress.

To the point: It's obvious that he either collects snow gnomes who tell him what will happen, and he uses his environmental science and years of teaching to figure it out, or b) he's trapped snow day fairies who give him information.

Seriously though, he is never wrong. Students now just pop into his classroom between classes, to ask, "Hey, are we having school tomorrow?" and he will reply confidently, and no one ever even bothers to turn on the local news to find out if he's right.

That's why Crimson High is awesome: We have our own early snow day alert system. We know a day before everyone else!

When do snow fairies come out? I assume they come around at the same time that the county makes their decision. Which means I dislike them. They waited until I was leaving the house before telling me I could've slept in! I don't hate them, because they do good things for us, but it's kind of backhanded. Like a backhanded compliment, like, "I love your shirt, you can't even see your tummy flab in that!" To which of course they will respond, "I don't have flab!" Then to make it as backhanded as possible, look at them with a pitying expression and say, "Honey, your gym locker is right next to mine; yes, you do."

So, yeah, snow fairies are just like that. So my teacher isn't really psychic, he just collects mythical creatures, which as we all know is MUCH more probable.

Your Blogger,

P.S. We were let out at noon, exactly like he said we would.
P.P.S. It was just announced that we have Friday off. Oh yeah!

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