Santa's Motive

Hmph...I suppose it's that time of year again, which means time to speculate.

"About... ?" prompts that odious reader from four entries ago.

About why Santa really sneaks into your house at night.

First of all, who would be stupid enough to invite a creeper like Kringle into their home with cookies and milk?! Do you want to see that diamond ring again? By the way, if you lose a sock on Christmas Eve/Day, it means Santa's elves took them because they're not paid enough to buy some of their own.

So once he gets in, he a) eats your cookies, b) lets his elves steal your socks, c) sets his reindeer on your presents (the ones your parents got you). And finally, he kidnaps everyone 7 years and under to work in his "toy factory." It's really a sweat shop!

I mean, have you ever seen in any Christmas movie the elves getting paid? No! What about eating? I think not! They are unpaid, unfed slaves!

"Are you sure? Don't you think they'd have revolted against him by now?" says my demonic reader.

"Yes, I'm sure, you insufferable know-it-all." (Who knows where that line is from?)

You see, even though I don't celebrate Christmas, Kringle/Nick/Santa came by my house and swooped up my written world dictation plans, therefore knew how to keep his "elves" in check. All you have to do is wait for one elf to make the smallest mistake and make a scapegoat out of him.

So, do you still think he's an innocent, happy, jolly ole' guy? Let's hope not.

"So, Ms. Murti, what do we do now with you oh-so-important revelation?"

Nadia, try not to strangle her, says Gregor.

Well, now you need to camouflage all of the children under seven years old as lawn gnomes. Also, instead of leaving cookies, leave him spinach. (Have you seen him! It would do him well to cut back on the sweets. Plus, he might smell it and immediately be put off his game.) Keep your socks in a high, hard-to-reach place. Remember to keep your presents in a safe. Lastly, and most importantly, keep your world dictation plans in a safe place. With them, he could become unstoppable. And that would be bad.

Okay, kids, hope that didn't scare you!