April 17, 2009

Dancing Vampire-Turned-Zombies In Your Closet

I am here to warn you about the dancing vampires-turned-zombies that hide in your closet.

"Where did you get that retarded idea from?" that super pénible* reader asks incredulously.

Well, I was on Ning and I was chatting with some people named Sadie, Anthony, and Elayne, and I said we should all blog about something with a title that is a compliation of everything we chatted about--Dancing Vampire-Turned-Zombies In Your Closet.

And so this blog was born!

Now, there are many dangers as to having one of these in your closet (I refuse to write it again!). One of them is that it is a vampire. Another is that it is a zombie. One more is that nothing that comes out of your closet can be good (especially that sweater some relative gave to you because for some out-there reason she thought you would like it). While zombies and vampires are both extremely cool, they may well eat you in the morning while you pick out your clothes. Vampire-Zombies are extra dangerous, though (which makes them cooler). And they can DANCE!

On the other hand, they are extremely awesomeful. They stimulate your sense of awesome, they can preform at...events (they can DANCE), and they know how to open up a small space (such as your closet). Not to mention that they pay rent in candy.

Yes, I think the time has come for me to post an essay on vampires I wrote in the fourth grade. It fits very well here. Here it is:


Vampires aren’t big and scary. Here’s the real deal.

Vampires are very misunderstood. They really get all their energy from cow blood. Then the cow becomes crazy. That’s how cows get mad cow disease. If there aren’t any cows in the region, they carry a pack of red blood. Vampires can sniff out where their prey is. Vampires can store power in a broach that they stole from the leprechauns. Being a Vampire is a curse. Every thousand years they get a chance to become human. Personally, I don’t think being a Vampire is all that bad. The only downs about it are that you can’t go in sun, you can’t eat garlic, you have to make sure that there are cows close by at all times, and the world is afraid of you. Besides that, being a Vampire is great! When Vampires are looking for a home they send out a ghoul to go undercover and find a house for them. Most Vampires are looking for three things in a house. It’s usually a stone dwelling, no windows, and no neighbors. They send ghouls because they are sort of like their minions.

Vampires are originally from Denmark. Most people think they are from Transylvania, Romania. The same place Count Dracula is from. Vampires can die by being near garlic, by going in the sun, lack of cow blood, and a sharp wooden stick called a stake. Vampire’s clothes are black, and usually wear capes. Male vampires have their hair combed back using hair gel as well as a large amount of hair spray, or so it seems. Their collars are usually popped up and there is also a broach. This is the same broach they stole from the leprechauns.

Vampires are sly, fun-despising creatures. They hate humans because they think that they are horrible callous insignificant monsters. Many people think that Vampires don’t know anything about technology but they are in fact very advanced. They use GPS systems to find their way when they morph into bats. As you may or may not already know, bats are blind. This makes the GPS navigator a useful tool in the everyday “life” of a Vampire.

I don’t really care if you believe me or not, because at the end of the day I have candy and you don’t! So, ha! The vampires supply me candy, so even if you do in fact have candy, it’s still not the same. Try not to cry, little ones. Maybe if you look in your attic you’ll find a Vampire of your very own! Who knows? I don’t!

Nadia “The Great” ---------

Yes, I read that aloud to the class.

And though this essay may well convince you otherwise, many vampires can still be dangerous. The dancing ones mostly. Do you know why? Because they only dance:
-The Macerana
-Clogging and
-Irish dancing.

So have the pecticide man come over all the time, don't get blood on the carpet, and DON'T LET THE DANCING VAMPIRE-TURNED-ZOMBIES IN YOUR CLOSET!

Your Crazy Ning-Using BEDA Blogger,

*It's French for "a super pain in the neck." Must practice if I want to Minor in it!

1 comment:

SimplyShy01 said...

Cool! That would be cool to see them dance!

You wrote that in the 4th grade? You're a great writer! In the 4th grade I wasn't that great of a writer. I'm kind of okay now, though.

Have a nice day :)!