Home Videos

NOTE: I fell asleep at 5 a.m. and woke up again at 9 a.m. so please understand if there's only a 2% coherency rate after my 4 not-so-good hours of sleep.

We all know how horrible home videos can be. Sometimes in the video we're naked. Sometimes we have our face pressed against the lens. Sometimes we're just being plain retarded. Either way, whoever is holding the camera refuses to stop recording and put us out of the misery we will feel ten years later while watching. And the guy with the remote refuses to to hit "Next" or at least "Fast Forward."

Last night my family stayed up watching those home videos (after watching Slumdog Millionaire which was AMAZING!) and while, yes, they did show me bare (but when I saw my mom was recording it I started yelling "Indecent/bad" in Arabic at her), and yes, it did show me pretty much eating the lens, but even though, I am glad they recorded this:

Wait, never mind. I'm too lazy to try to get the video up. Instead I will right it out for you like a play. This might be a little boring, but the ending makes up for it.

CHARACTERS:
Nadia: Age 4 or 5
Little Sis: Age 1 or 2
Big Sis: Age 10-12
Mom

(BIG SIS comes downstairs with a camera and MOM. NADIA is sitting in the hallway at a plastic tea party table that is missing a leg. LITTLE SIS was standing in front of NADIA, but it now running towards BIG SIS.)

LITTLE SIS: Big sis!
NADIA: Mommy! Fix my table. Little Sis broke it!
MOM: You're a big girl, Nadia. You can fix it.
NADIA: No I can't! It's hard!
BIG SIS: Don't worry, Nadia, I'm not recording.
NADIA: I know you're lying, Big Sis.

(LITTLE SIS walks back down to NADIA where she is still sitting, but now she has a tea tray of perfectly organized tea party supplies. It took NADIA so long to make that.)

NADIA: (looking at LITTLE SIS on the other side of the table) You fix my table!

(LITTLE SIS pulls up her fist, and let's it drop hard onto the standing side of the table. The leg collapses.)

NADIA: Ugh! I HATE babies!

(LITTLE SIS moves around broken table to the side of an agitated NADIA. LITTLE SIS reaches for things on the tray. NADIA jerks the tray from her reach and everything on it falls off of it.)

NADIA: (Scream) Look what you made me do!

(NADIA raises the empty tray over her head.)

MOM: Nadia! Put that down! Don't you dare--

(NADIA hits LITTLE SIS'S head with the tray.)

MOM: Oh my God, Nadia! (Starts cursing in Arabic.)

(Camera flickers off.)


That almost makes up for every time the camera holder doesn't shut it off (at least for me).

I'm not exactly sure what the point of this post is. Actually, I barely know what I'm writing. I guess the moral of this is that you need to get a fight on tape. Or maybe you need to say and do NOTHING when you see a camera. Or possibly steal he remote. I dunno.

Why would I?

Your Sleepy BEDA Blogger,
Nadia