April 23, 2009

Lepuprechauns And Vampires: A History: Part 1

Enlightenment time!

This blog will be all about me enlightening you on the history of the Puprechauns,* the Leprechauns, and the Vampires.

In a time long ago--about 707 C.E.--the Leprechauns and Puprechauns were all in the same boat (figuratively). They had The Irish Power and all had it and were all generally happy.

The Irish Power (not to be confused with The Luck of The Irish. That's total rubbish.) was the power that let the Lepuprechaun group*** do the following:

1. Use rainbows to store gold.

2. Live forever, and

3. Keep all their mega awesome Leprechaun powers, like being so mischievous and getting away with that (to me, that is one mega-awesome--not to mention useful--power), and their magic (not as cool).

The Irish Power was all stored in a brooch that the King of The Lepuprechauns wore at all times. You may remember this if you read my essay on vampires.

In about 710 C.E., an argument began between the Leprechauns and Puprechauns. The Leprechauns did not believe it was right for Leprechauns and Dogs to cross-breed, whether or not Leprechauns could talk to Dogs.

This argument over the right to cross-breed turned into a full blown Civil War. But remember, these were Lepuprechauns. They played mean, magical tricks on each other rather than killing. This threw the world, mortals and mythical creatures alike, into chaos. Actually, the Black Death was the result of a massive trick, gone only slightly awry.

The Vampires noticed this chaos, and were not happy. Thet liked peace and quiet.

The Vampire Empire sent a loyal noble subject to, ahem, honeypot. Then things that would be excluded from a middle school textbook happened with them. The reason this honeypotting mission worked so well is that all vampires are gorgeous, and this Vampiress was no exception. It also helped that this honeypot was a noblewoman, and a charming one at that. Also, the Lepuprechaun Kingdom was already very weak due to the Civil War. However, the vampiress did fall in love with the King of The Lepuprechauns. She realized this, and knowing that she would have to kill him, it drove her crazy. She put off the murder at first, but this only gave her more time to fall more deeply in love with him. This all drove her insane. Like, Lady Macbeth insane.

So what did she do? The Vampire Emperor noticed the delay and sent the General. This General ruled the Army of The Undead. General of The Undead confronted her about the delay, and she said she's waiting until everyone trusts her enough, and that the time has yet to come. The General pointed out that if the plan went out as planned, there would be no need for anyone to trust her, and no reason for her to hide the fact that she had done the deed. She agreed.

I suppose your wondering what the plan was, and you're about to find out, for the end of the plan is about to unfold, if that makes sense.

So, with the General of The Undead watching her, she snuck into the King's bedroom at night, stabbed him (resisting to pull a, "Oh, happy dagger,"). She then stole the brooch, and fled back to the Vampirian Empire with the Irish Power. The Vampire Emperor told her that since she did such a great deed for her Empire, that she would get to wear the brooch for the rest of eternity. And so she carried the sad burden around her neck for eternity, never taking it off, not even now, centuries later.

That was part one. The second installment of the Lepuprechaun/Vampire History comes tomorrow.

*Leprechauns usually in the form of puppies. One parent is leprechaun,** the other dog.

**Leprechauns are the only creatures able to talk to dogs.

***Lepuprechauns are the Puprechauns and Leprachaun collective party.

Your Historian of a BEDA Blogger,

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